
子育ての壁とされている第二次反抗期、しかし近年この反抗期を迎える子供が減少傾向にあります。
一見、反抗的な態度をとらないことは良いことの様に思えますが、子供に反抗期が来ないことに悩んでいるママも意外と多くいらっしゃいます。
反抗期はない方がいいのか?
ないことが将来に影響しないのか?
今回はこちらを解説していきます。
もくじ
この記事を書いているのは?
反抗期がない子供が増えている理由
冒頭でもお伝えしたように、小学生高学年~中学生の時期における第二次反抗期を迎える子供が減りつつあります。
理由は2つあり、1つ目は親子が友達のような関係に近づいているためです。
この現象は「友達親子」と呼ばれており、昔のように親が叱って育てるやり方ではなく、最近はほめて伸ばす教育が主流となっています。
子供と向かい合うのではなく、横並びになっているため衝突の機会が減ったと考えられ、反発の機会を失っていると考えられます。
2つ目は親が子供をコントロールしやすくなったためです。
パソコンやスマホの普及により、いつでもどこでもより正しい情報を手に入れられるようになりました。
子育てで親が失敗することが減ったことにより、子供は親の言うことは正しいと学習します。
本来、親も子も失敗しながら成長していくのが子育てというものですが、親は正しいという子供の思い込みが、反抗という選択肢を奪ってしまう可能性があるのです。
反抗期がないパターン2つ
反抗期がないといっても、子供の育ち方や性格によって全く違った意味合いを帯びることになります。
ここでは反抗期がない子供の特徴を2パターンご紹介します。
Aパターン
反抗する理由がない場合です。
親子の仲が良く、子どものやりたいことと親の言うことが合致している場合は不満は生まれる余地がありませんよね。
普段から会話の多い家庭では意見もしやすく、反抗的な態度をあまり取らない傾向があります。
Bパターン
反抗したくてもできない場合です。
反抗の仕方を知らない、逆らうことが怖いやコントロールされている場合など、親の言うことと自分の意見は違うけれど、何らかの理由により反対意見を言うのを躊躇ってしまっていることがあります。
これは親からすれば反抗期がないですが、実際は見えていないだけで、潜在的な反抗期と言えるでしょう。
どちらも反抗していない点は同じですが、心の持ちようは違いますね。
思春期に反抗期がない場合の2パターンの今後を見ていきましょう。
Aパターンの未来
どこかで意見が食い違わない限り、軋轢が生まれる余地がないため、お互いに尊重しあえる親子関係を築くことができるでしょう。
しかし、温厚で優しい性格の子供が多いため、自分の意見を通そうとする気持ちは控え目です。
外でもしっかり意見は出すように伝えていきましょう。
Bパターンの未来
言いたくても言えないという我慢が続いている状態です。
どこかでガス抜きをしなければ我慢は次第に膨れ上がり、大人になった時に爆発してしまう危険があります。
20代後半になって反抗期が来たという例もあります。
そうなってからでは手遅れです。
必ず子供は我慢しているサインを出しているので、本当の子供の気持ちは何なのか、汲み取ってあげましょう。
反抗期がないのは良いこと?悪いこと?
結論から言うと、一概に良い、悪いと言い切ることはできません。
反抗期がないまま一生を過ごせる人もいますし、逆にどこかで爆発してしまう人もいるわけです。
先程お伝えしたように、人の性格によっては良い結果にも、悪い状態にもなってしまう可能性があるということです。
個人的な意見ですが、反抗期はあったらいいと思っています。
反抗するとはつまり、自分の本音を反論として相手にぶつけることです。この行動は大人でも勇気がいりますよね。
子供は親だからこそ、安心して意見を言うことができ、外の世界で喋るための準備をしているのです。
言わなくても伝わるなんてものはただのエゴで、ぶつからないと分からないことは世の中意外と多いものです。
大事な局面でこそ大切にしないといけないのが、自分の気持ちではないでしょうか。
それを主張できる環境でこそ人は成長するのだと信じています。
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